What is a first love to a man?

      What is a first love to a man? Is is something that isn't easily folded? Is it something that you want to unfold again after folding it ? Even if there is fold mark, do you not care ?
      It differs on the situation. If it folds in one go, then it's a thank you. If you open it up again, then it's lingering attachment. If you open it twice then it's sadness. If you open it three times, it's pain. After unfolding it over and over again and it becomes ragged, that's how the heart gets ripped. And when ripped, you just deal with it until you've gone numb. That's how it is.
      Men usually are the stronger sex, so when it comes to these kind of situations, they usually keep it all in, and start breaking into small pieces on the inside, while on the outside they act all calm and smiley. When a man gets his heart broken he indeed becomes numb to everything. A woman passes through this stage as hard but at least they have the capacity to recover a bit. Women tend to let it all out, cry until there's no more tears left; but of course there some tough girls out there that prefer to keep it low and deal with it in silence. Both sexes are different, but sometimes the roles switch. But in most cases it happens like above.
      The rather rare case in that a man starts to love profoundly, then he gets his heart broken is like breaking a piece a glass and then smashing it with a hammer. They become indifferent and silent. The numbness in their heart gets to everyone. They no longer have the eagerness to feel...until they find the girl that manages to take care of their heart.

Auditory Hallucination

There are so many hidden things inside of me
It made me change so much
It put me to sleep, it tied my hands and feet
It trapped me in a dark room
The pieces of lost time
The memories of love that I threw away
They have been deleted and thrown away
Only the outer shells remain
Without knowing anything, I just shouted
I just have that memory
My heart that was cold as ice
It will be forgotten after I sleep
I want to escape from this pain that chains me down
Someone wake me up
From my soul that is filled with scars

The deeply colored night sky
Is filled with you, who won’t leave
It wakes me from my sleep
Kissing me again

Your voice that whispered I love you
Your scent, I hear it in my ears every day
Where are you?

You’re hidden in a place where I can’t see you
The pain you received for me
When my anger becomes one
I’ll chase the lost memories from the deep sleep
I want to find the real me that is not you
But the bruises in my heart are too big
I try hiding it but they hide in my heart and wake me up
I met you on the other side of my horrible memories
You embraced even my lost feelings
Helping me get up from being broken
I’m trying not to let go of your hands
I’m trying to erase the nightmares
I’m trying so hard
In this place where I trapped myself

I want to roll up the darkness
And find you
Though I can’t touch you
Or be held by you

What controls me
Isn’t what lives in me
What can heal me isn’t strong medicine
It’s just love
The voice I hear in my ears
Wakes me up from being lost
After it wraps around me and kisses me
It disappears and I can’t see it anymore

In the night sky that I can’t touch
I see you turning back
Making me escape from the exhausted days
Making it into a picture

I’m sorry, I say as I hold onto you
Don’t go far away, I call out to you
In the sadness that I can’t ever see again
Tears fall again

Credits to Jang Jae In and NaShow 

What do you live for?

     Sitting around in my apartment the other day, a question came flying into my head..." What do I live for?" Frankly speaking, I had no answer to that question...
     Surfing the internet today, I found a video about a survey that was made with people being asked what do they live for. It was not a surprise to see that the majority were living for their family, daughter, son, mother.
     It sounded right at first, but after a while it didn't..." Why isn't anyone living for himself?"It's our life, right? We should live for us...even though it sounds selfish and self-centered. But think!!! If one lives for him, that implies a happy family, happy friends and happy self, right?
     You live for you. You make everything that is in your power to make your family happy, because thanks to them, you are able to go back home every day knowing that someone is there to welcome you with a smile and a warm hug.
     You live for you, to be able to see your friends accomplished and happy. Cracking jokes, remembering the old times, having a round of laughs just for detaching from the daily life.
     This is the advantage of living for you. You get to think a little about yourself, your health, your well being , because it's the only way to see others happy and to live for them as well. I live to see my mother smile, to see my friends being happy and  acting all naturally crazy but I also live for me, I keep myself healthy and happy because I know this is the only way to be there, living for my family and friends as well. And seeing them happy or seeing my mother smile, well that's when I feel like I actually live for something and I'm not just an oxygen consumer.
     As a mother lives for her child, a son or daughter lives for his or her parents. We live for someone else, we live for adrenaline, for music, for the fresh air of each morning. We put a little of ourselves in others; in order to live for them but we should keep something from us for ourselves. Always.
     So, what do you live for?

Error

I couldn’t help it so I threw it all out
I erased all of my emotions
But I couldn’t erase you 
Because my heart was too sad 

I just need to live like this, I just need to breathe
I just need to be alive, why can’t I?
I said it’s okay 
This is better for me 

I was afraid that I’d get cut by your sharp, knife-like words
I just need to breathe and eat to endure through this

I was a coward, I wanted to endure through

I’m holding my heart in my hand
I chose a life that is for me

I don’t want to let go of myself
I don’t want to ruin myself anymore
Memories that aren’t ending even when it’s over
I have no confidence to win over it

Love, in the end
Is a lie to just one person
Now look at me forgetting you
With your eyes wide open

Don’t ever forget me
Don’t ever erase me

My heart was limping and this is the end of the road
After making that decision and taking a breath
I let out a deep sigh
I rip him up from inside my heart
As I let out a silent scream
I’m erasing the after images that are floating around
Burning up the remaining memories up to the sky, burn

I saw you again, I cried
Something went terribly wrong
My heart is still remembering 
Everything was the same 

There’s nowhere to run from you

If I hold onto you, it hurts
But if I let you go, it hurts even more
This place is deeper than a dream inside a dream
I have no confidence to escape from it

Saying that I’ll forget you
Is all a lie that remains in me
Your face spreads throughout my heart again
It hurts even more than before

I think I miss you even more
I think it’s even more dangerous

Credits: VIXX Error .
The one who wrote the lyrics is a genius !

Yes, more please !

      “Sometimes we focus so much on what we don't have that we fail to see, appreciate, and use what we do have!”...I found this one a while ago and it took me some time to put some ideas together. 
You know how we always say: "Why is this happening to me out of all the people out there? What did I do to deserve such a thing?" 
      I'm seeing these days 3-4 y.o kids with an iphone and complain they don't have the latest version of it...back when I was 4 y.o I didn't even know we had a phone -_-. Where is the world heading too ? 
      Some children these days are way too spoiled. They want something, they can just cry until they are about to explode in the middle of the street and puff, they get what they want. Those kids ultimately become adults and are the type of people that have it all and yet they are not satisfied and want even more.       Instead of thanking God every day for being able to wake up and live the life they have, as it is, they start complaining. It usually surrounds a relationship and work. If they have a relationship, they will always want more and the words that set me off are: "Why can't you be like that couple?"  If I were to be involved in a discussion that gets to this question, I would end it right away, take my bag and leave. It's like parents do when you are little: " Why can't you get a grade like Jack's?", "Why can't you be as carring like Betty's kid?" I hated to hear that when I was younger and I'm getting sick when I hear it today. We all are different, we interpret love and affection in different ways. You can't go around comparing people, couples, relationships, families. If you do that, PLEASE stay away from me. It is an individual world...we all are who we are. You don't like something, don't compare, talk nicely about it, and solve the problem. And at work is the same think: "Why can't I have the promotion I want? Why is my schedule so busy?" 
      Why can't we just appreciate what we have? Why do we want more? Some people don't even have a job, don't even have a family, a house. And it's the human that complains of having it all, but not enough...well the human race is very greedy. The more we have, the happier we are, theoretically, but it's not the case. A person knows what he has and values it. A roof above his head, a family. From here the future can be made as we wish as long as we have a place to come back to and a family to love and be loved without doubt. 
      The "have it all people" fail to see what's around them. They are only focused on having more. "I don't have that latest perfume, I need to buy it"...why? you already have one ! "The newest version of smartphone is way better, I have to buy it! "...why? you already have a phone ! And the list goes on, greediness has no end to it. 
      Stop wanting more and say thank you for what you have. You grew with your parents by your side, you are one of the lucky ones, you have friends, you go to a school, have pocket money, nice clothes, a phone, a family....YOU are lucky to have those...some just dream of it. start appreciating and you'll have more than you expect.

Mirror mirror on the wall

       Childhood it is said to be the most beautiful period of our life, the one that we will always want to go back to. It's the place where our dreams were born, where we were innocent and pure at heart, we still loved just the sight of a beautiful butterfly that we would chase around until we got tired. This is the perfect script right? But for some, childhood was a bitter period.
       Being a little different than the rest of the children can lead to be pointed fingers at, laughed at, bullied, made fun of. And kids are much more sensitive than adults ( even adults can still be affected ), and all those words and actions of other kids or people are kept well hidden in their tiny and sensitive hearts. And as they grow up, they feel insecure, scared, shy, afraid to be judged again.
      Those kids become,ultimately, adults. What's different about them? They suffer from a disease called Low Self-Confidence. The fear of failing, of letting people down, of being judged is always present inside them. But what they don't realize yet is that people are ALWAYS going to judge you, are going to talk behind your back and so on, because this is how humans are! It basically in our nature to do that, whether we what it or not, those words are still going to come out. So what's to do then?
       Me, as a teenager, I grew up basically alone...I was judged, pointed fingers at and all the humiliating package. My level of self confidence was rock-bottom and no one was there to teach me how to deal with that. So I just grew up like that. But it seems that as you grow older, you start to see things more clear and everything makes sense. And I found ways to change the old shy self. The answer to curing low self confidence is through TRAINING. "I'm not going to that job interview; I know already I'm gonna get rejected", "I'm not going to speak with that guy, he'll get scared of how I look". So basically we're afraid of loosing, failing. But guess what, learning how to loose, you win a bigger prize: a chance to achieve perfection. Loosing makes one win another chance of trying and succeeding.
       So people, please stop saying "I can't", "It's impossible", "nope, that's not for me", "I'm too ugly for him/her"; it's kinda time to change you vocabulary into "I can", "why not", "let's give it a shot", "hell yeah I'm gonna talk to him/her".There may be times when you just want to quit, give it all up, but that's a stupid action, something a coward would do, so forget it !
       Don't take life as an easy thing, it's not supposed to be easy. When you step outside your house, leave your shyness and insecurity at home, and go out there and rock ! Tall, small, fat, slim, black, yellow, white, WHO CARES !! You are you, you know yourself, other's opinions are just some useless babbles.
Take some time and just look into the mirror, tell yourself EVERY TIME that you can and you will do it, and there you go, self confidence restored. Buuuut, you don't achieve it over night.It might take some time, so hang in there.
       You are your own source of strength, so be confident and trust yourself!

Car keys and wallet !

      Articles over articles, shows over shows, everywhere it's full of people that value money and things. Open a newspaper or a magazine and there has to be an article about how I don't know who got engaged with a millionaire 20 years older than him or her. Same goes if you switch on the TV ( thank God I don't oped that thing ). Once I went out with a friend and it happened I just got to know a guy that I found interesting. Guess what was the first question that popped out of her mouth..."Is he rich? Does he have a car?" So, it did not matter to her what he was studying, if he was cute or not, if he was someone that you could speak to relaxed. No....those were insignificant and it shocked me. I know the society that we live in, but I didn't know that the way of thinking was so rotten.
      Males and females seek in the opposite sex different things. For women, money and for men, outside beauty. "25 year old woman has married 65 year old millionaire out of love". It sure is love, I mean who wouldn't marry gramps out of love for a truck load of money? As time passed, women have developed the ability to get through life wisely and easy, that's why I suppose they're attracted to money. And men...well they have that ability as well, but they're to lazy to develop it or they don't really encounter occasions to take advantage of. But they play their cards well as well. Young and rich and good-looking to top it...that guy will play his cards very well and always get what he wants, when he wants and from whom he wants. And because women are suckers for money they'll get caught and guess who'll be crying later?
      Going after material things, judging a person by his bank account or by the looks is a stupid thing to do. Those things could fade in an instant and all that "honey, I married you out of love" bullsh*t" will no longer exist. If your partner is smart, knows his way through life, you can open any subject of discussion and talk about it, he can manage alone a problem, has a sense of humor and is fun to hang out with, why the hell do you have to look at the bank account, the type of car he is driving or the way his body looks? Are we really that superficial? People, everything fades away !!! Beauty, money, that awesome car, everything disappears.
      What's the advantage of going out with a guy that has his wallet full of credit cards, buys you the expensive stuff you want, but doesn't have the brain to manage a problem or talk about elaborate things? I'm still trying to figure out what some girls think when they do that....
Same goes for a guy...that beauty of your girlfriend is going to fade, kilograms are going to add to that slender body and the poor girl will be dumped ( I've been a witness to a situation like this one ). The girl may be smart and fun and all the package, but the as*hole wants a model, and if possible, with no brain so he can play how he wants.
      "I make memories, I value what's on the inside, I value the person, that persons feelings", this is what I want to hear. Being yourself, not changing for the sake of the one next to you. Be special, like what is worth liking and soon the one that is a match for you and values the same things with appear.