Beautiful liar

This is a beautiful lie,
My last lie.
Even if it hurts to death,
I am hiding myself
under a mask for you.

I see myself in the mirror and I ask myself
Will it really make you happy if I let you go?
I’ll throw myself away completely
because you need quiet time to yourself
Did I say those things without even meaning it?
As I replay your face
when you screamed "go away"
I’m tainting our memories that were beautiful
I haven’t imagined a life without you yet
but please be happy
So that at least my lie can shine

I’m letting go of your tightly held hands
But my heart is still the same
But I’ll let you go.
I think it’s best for you
if I end it right here

It’s alright if you leave me
I want you to be happy
I’m a beautiful liar.

You keep shedding tears
in front of me.
It was an unexpected line that
led to the next chapter;
You told me to take back
the words I spit out
As you hold onto my face.
Then you collapsed off your feet
This isn’t the future I thought of...
It seemed like a sin to look at you;
like a lonely tied up dog.
So I’m swallowing up my feelings
and letting you go.
You must live better than me, promise me.
But the moment I said that,
you turned around.

I won’t hang onto you, I will smile
This is me, don’t hesitate anymore
Leave me !

It’s time for me to give you
The last bits of my heart.
The fact that we loved is beautiful.

Me with iron shackles on my legs
Is more like me than ever before.
(You turned around, ran to me
Told me not to say stupid lies
As you smiled in front of me)

It’s a beautiful pain
Letting you go
I have to kill myself inside,
Swallow my tears,
And put on a smiling mask

I feel so relieved now.
Please don’t worry about me
I’m a beautiful
No, a cowardly liar...

Credits: VIXX LR 

So far and yet so near

      "You two seem like the perfect couple, you look so good together". Those words are meant to make one feel better about their relationship right? Well yes, it's true up to an extent. The response proceeding those words for a couple in a long distance relationship would be "Thank you, but we're not in the perfect situation though".  When a couple engages in a long distance relationship, they have to know from the start that a lot of sacrifices will be made. I guess we are made to have a feeling when we meet our so called soul mate. That's why we accept in going aboard a long and bumpy journey.
       Missing someone is not such a great feeling, but it keeps you going; you are under the same sky, watching the same stars even if you're a city away, a country, an ocean or a continent away from each other. Just the thought of the times spent together and the ones that are to come keeps the engine going. Plus, you know you are lucky to have someone so special to miss. Those that are in a long distance relationship appreciate one another more, because they know they can trust each other and put their full confidence in their significant other.
But, of course, the beginning is always hard. Until a couple gets to know each other enough to give a full trust, doubt kicks in. " Where is he, why doesn't he answer, is he cheating on me?", those are the most common questions a woman puts. It is in the human nature of a woman to think quick, doubt even quicker and accuse. And from here it all starts.Things getting colder, interest gets lost and so it ends.    
       That is if they are not responsible enough and they are uncommunicative. Communication is the key; if one doesn't like something, they just have to say it, resolve the situation together; why keep it in and let it accumulate.
      A point is reached when the waiting is too long and you need that person there, by your side, then, right away. That's the threshold when you know you need to get that flight or train ticket and get there.
      Technology has evolved so much, that even though we are not able to touch that person, we can see and hear our loved one and it's still a big thing in such a situation.
      For two strong hearts that know what they want, distance is nothing. They didn't say that "good things come for those who wait" for nothing. It's surprising to see how a person that is far away can make one feel so loved and cherished, rather than one that is right beside them.
      Nothing good comes easy. So keep your ground and wait together.

Stuck in the past

      There comes a time when scumbag Cupid strikes. Isn't that what we wish for ? The feathery fellow shooting an arrow at both of you?
      But...there is a but here. One of you has an "inspiring" idea of not caring anymore and everything falls apart. Why did you wish for someone who cares about you if you are not capable of doing that?
      "After 4 years and 2 relationships, I still love her!" he said. Being stuck in the past is not a pleasant feeling. Many suffer because of this, including you and the ones that are around you. Regret and love mixed together keeps your heart in idle mode. Even though you try to get over it, because it may just be a phase, you involve yourself in another relationship, but your heart is with that girl...the one that you figured out too late that really cared about you.
      Letting it all out after all that time, it may put your regret to an end and making way for joy, but you also might turn out as a clingy person. I guess it depends on the significant other.
      It is said that time flies and heals everything but we keep breaking its wings. The answer to this issue is the one that loved you back then. Just don't make the mistake of being stuck in the past. Get out there and do what's good for you and come and live and love today, in the present.

What is a first love to a man?

      What is a first love to a man? Is is something that isn't easily folded? Is it something that you want to unfold again after folding it ? Even if there is fold mark, do you not care ?
      It differs on the situation. If it folds in one go, then it's a thank you. If you open it up again, then it's lingering attachment. If you open it twice then it's sadness. If you open it three times, it's pain. After unfolding it over and over again and it becomes ragged, that's how the heart gets ripped. And when ripped, you just deal with it until you've gone numb. That's how it is.
      Men usually are the stronger sex, so when it comes to these kind of situations, they usually keep it all in, and start breaking into small pieces on the inside, while on the outside they act all calm and smiley. When a man gets his heart broken he indeed becomes numb to everything. A woman passes through this stage as hard but at least they have the capacity to recover a bit. Women tend to let it all out, cry until there's no more tears left; but of course there some tough girls out there that prefer to keep it low and deal with it in silence. Both sexes are different, but sometimes the roles switch. But in most cases it happens like above.
      The rather rare case in that a man starts to love profoundly, then he gets his heart broken is like breaking a piece a glass and then smashing it with a hammer. They become indifferent and silent. The numbness in their heart gets to everyone. They no longer have the eagerness to feel...until they find the girl that manages to take care of their heart.

Auditory Hallucination

There are so many hidden things inside of me
It made me change so much
It put me to sleep, it tied my hands and feet
It trapped me in a dark room
The pieces of lost time
The memories of love that I threw away
They have been deleted and thrown away
Only the outer shells remain
Without knowing anything, I just shouted
I just have that memory
My heart that was cold as ice
It will be forgotten after I sleep
I want to escape from this pain that chains me down
Someone wake me up
From my soul that is filled with scars

The deeply colored night sky
Is filled with you, who won’t leave
It wakes me from my sleep
Kissing me again

Your voice that whispered I love you
Your scent, I hear it in my ears every day
Where are you?

You’re hidden in a place where I can’t see you
The pain you received for me
When my anger becomes one
I’ll chase the lost memories from the deep sleep
I want to find the real me that is not you
But the bruises in my heart are too big
I try hiding it but they hide in my heart and wake me up
I met you on the other side of my horrible memories
You embraced even my lost feelings
Helping me get up from being broken
I’m trying not to let go of your hands
I’m trying to erase the nightmares
I’m trying so hard
In this place where I trapped myself

I want to roll up the darkness
And find you
Though I can’t touch you
Or be held by you

What controls me
Isn’t what lives in me
What can heal me isn’t strong medicine
It’s just love
The voice I hear in my ears
Wakes me up from being lost
After it wraps around me and kisses me
It disappears and I can’t see it anymore

In the night sky that I can’t touch
I see you turning back
Making me escape from the exhausted days
Making it into a picture

I’m sorry, I say as I hold onto you
Don’t go far away, I call out to you
In the sadness that I can’t ever see again
Tears fall again

Credits to Jang Jae In and NaShow 

What do you live for?

     Sitting around in my apartment the other day, a question came flying into my head..." What do I live for?" Frankly speaking, I had no answer to that question...
     Surfing the internet today, I found a video about a survey that was made with people being asked what do they live for. It was not a surprise to see that the majority were living for their family, daughter, son, mother.
     It sounded right at first, but after a while it didn't..." Why isn't anyone living for himself?"It's our life, right? We should live for us...even though it sounds selfish and self-centered. But think!!! If one lives for him, that implies a happy family, happy friends and happy self, right?
     You live for you. You make everything that is in your power to make your family happy, because thanks to them, you are able to go back home every day knowing that someone is there to welcome you with a smile and a warm hug.
     You live for you, to be able to see your friends accomplished and happy. Cracking jokes, remembering the old times, having a round of laughs just for detaching from the daily life.
     This is the advantage of living for you. You get to think a little about yourself, your health, your well being , because it's the only way to see others happy and to live for them as well. I live to see my mother smile, to see my friends being happy and  acting all naturally crazy but I also live for me, I keep myself healthy and happy because I know this is the only way to be there, living for my family and friends as well. And seeing them happy or seeing my mother smile, well that's when I feel like I actually live for something and I'm not just an oxygen consumer.
     As a mother lives for her child, a son or daughter lives for his or her parents. We live for someone else, we live for adrenaline, for music, for the fresh air of each morning. We put a little of ourselves in others; in order to live for them but we should keep something from us for ourselves. Always.
     So, what do you live for?