Broken wings

A dark sky, a full moon,
The cold wind touching my face.
I can't hear anything...
I can't feel anything...
'cause it was the night in that you broke your wings.

You faded away like the petals of a blue rose
You had so many dreams, so many smiles to give.
A grown up man with the soul of a child and the heart of and angel...
An angel with broken wings.

You envied the butterflies because of their wings.
Once you told me you'd like to fly with them to the sky,
But no butterfly would give his wings to you because you already had them.
You were the angel that was taking care of us.

The sound of music that you played is still in my ears...
I'm still learning to feel it like you did;
I'm still searching for you.
But you're gone...

Once I dreamed of you staring at the moon.
I wanted to scream, but I had no voice;
I wanted to cry, but I had no tears...
You turned and smiled at me;
"I'm not coming back, so stop saying to return.
And don't worry, don't be sad,
I'm happy because now, my once broken wings, are back.
I can fly with the butterflies now."

If then I could talk and say how much I miss you...
I just wanted to feel the touch of your music one more time...for the last time.
I guess I wouldn't have let you go.
But I felt your calming love inside my hear and calmed.
Your gentle voice is still singing in my ears.

One day I'll have my wings,
So when that day comes, I'll hold you by my side forever;
So wait, wait...



p.s: made this one six years ago.
R.I.P Pink spider.

A present every day

      It's December again; the month of joy and overwhelming happiness, the month that brings up the gift of life. I'm very disappointed to see that many people only think about this month as being the month of receiving presents and forgetting about the true meaning of it.
      As a kid the only thing I expected from the first month of winter was my mother home for winter holidays. The presents for Christmas were a bonus, another reason to like December. But for others, unfortunately, a present was something that they only dreamed about.
      As we grow up, we should realize that we receive a present every day; and that is the present of life, of another day that we are allowed to live. As a grown-up, to whine and cry for presents is stupid. By this time one should have realized what a true present is about...material stuff fades away fast.
      The day of tomorrow is a true present; not all of us can benefit of this opportunity, and not all of us take advantage and enjoy life. For example the terminal phase cancer patients; a day in their life is a blessing, a chance to live for one more day, a hope for a cure. A mother who sees her child grow day by day, a daughter who lives as being the only joy of her mother, grandparents that see their grandchild succeeding in life...this are the people that thank God every day for the gift of another day.
      So why so many spend their days crying, being sad or angry? Don't they realize that they are wasting precious hours or days doing something that is unnecessary. Some would wish to have another day to be with their families,while others are wasting it on people that make them unfortunate and sad.
      People, wake up ! You only have one live, everyday is one of a kind so make sure that you live as happy and joyful as one can live life.

Probably

Even if it hurts, pretend that it's nothing
Even if tears fall, know how to hide them
Place it in one side of the heart, and know how to smile as if there's nothing wrong
That's the way to break up

My heart is going dark like this again
The many lingering regrets are pulling down
It'll probably be erased again, it'll probably become distant , we will probably forget each other
My meaningless day will probably pass by
Our unique love will probably be like it never existed
Even if I want to see you, I probably won't be able to see you again
Even if it hurts, I should bear it because this is the way to break up.

I would probably get used to spending the days without you
Tomorrow will probably be a little more comfortable
I will probably forget you little by little, maybe sometimes I will think of you
And probably only good memories will come up
I need to forget you.

Only my welled up tears remember you, and there are so many traces of happiness
To me, love is such a painful thing, but even if it hurts, I should bear it
I will probably forget like this...


                                                                                                                                         Credits: Kyuhyun

You're your own little secret

“Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides.” 
     Every person is made from small and big secrets. Everyone had that thing that they want to hide; the thing that they want to keep only for themselves. In extreme cases, there are more things that we want to hide, I guess because we kind of open our eyes and see what is around us; not everyone wants what's best for you. After getting tired of all the back-stabbing and unkind words said behind your back, you decide that your secrets are meant to be kept that way. So we end up a whole pile of secrets that eat us from the inside,outside.
      Humans are sullen and insecure little things in an unforgivable world. We have become very sensitive in such a great way that now, every word we hear is no longer processed by our brain, but it goes directly to the heart and she shakes you up in the worst way.
      People these days are only looking out for themselves, for their own well being and their own happiness. And for them to accomplish those things, they step on each and every one that stands in their way either with an active role in their life or with a passive one.
      Trust is something that has almost become a fictional word. We do know it exists in our vocabulary but few know the true meaning of it. Many use this word just to achieve their goal, because after, they're left with just five letters put together forming a meaningless word. 
     A person is made from tiny book pages spread around every part of his body. But some of them are sealed, only to be revealed to the ones that can earn his trust and prove that they're worthy of unsealing them. We are made out of secrets, they define us, the real us. No one really knows what is going on inside our head, that sometimes our loud laugh is just a way of hiding the scream of our suffering soul, that our cry is mixed with happiness and sorrow at the same time ( happiness because we are finally able to let some of it out, to feel a little relieve). 
     Every gesture, every smile, every breath we take, hides behind a secret that defines us. We are our own little secret, not to be revealed ! So let's keep the mystery and enjoy the show called life. 

If I'm sincere today....

     If I'm sincere today, what does it matter if I regret it tomorrow.
     From when we are little, out parents taught us to not tell lies, even if they are small. One small lie can have major side effects. But I don't know what happens as we grow up, because the majority of us choose to lie in order to make our life better and destroy another. We just start with a small one, then go full scale. The problem is that the majority don't give a damn. As long as they're fine and breathing, the rest can just suffer. As long as they can fake a smile to get what they want..that's dishonest and despicable.... Well, from what I think, that kind of human should disappear ( "don't actually think I can call that a human ").
      "A little lie never hurt no one"...Oh yes it did, especially if that someone found out the truth.( so the truth hurts as well, but it's a milder pain ). Why not avoid this kind of situation? Sincerity is an art that it's not appreciated enough. Life is a lot more fragile than we think; so we should treat the other in a way that leaves no regrets, fairly and sincerely. Personally, I say whatever I have in mind, with no regrets and with sincerity.
     Do I regret it sometimes? Well....yes, many times. But I better regret something that I said or did than something that I didn't do. It's all about facing your fears and letting your soul speak out. You'll regret for a small period of time, then move on... then you'll say something that you will regret again, and so on.
      As when we fall in love; we give ourselves to it, we live only for the sweet kiss of our loved one, only for that warm hug that makes all the bad go away. It's the time when we are sincere the most. ( or it should be so ). Saying out loud what you truly feel, what you really want, it's the kind of thing that should be done. Not sit back and for things to happen.
      At anytime, anyplace, live your life with sincerity. It describes the kind of person you are and the people that are around you.

Clench

    Just love is a pain killer, but painful love is a disinfectant. At first it really hurts but later on the wound heals cleanly. In the end painful love heals you too. So even if it hurts, clench your teeth together and endure.
    Now that I think about it it's right, however in order to become a good person, I just realized that one has to have a lot of scars. If they were to heal another person's wounds, they themselves should know what being hurt is. That's why we'll be hurt everyday. Even so I think it will be okay. Because we are in a place where people are, and we are receiving love.

Take me away

     I ran without a fear in this world, feeling only the caress of the wind passing  through my hair. Running with only a smile on my face, knowing that one day I'll be there by your side; leaving it all behind, just running to you. I didn't care about anything, every word that was tossed towards me, it just passed by. I was only seeing you at the end of the road, and I kept on running.
     Wearing baggy clothes, a pair of torn sneaker and a beautiful smile on my face, I kept running to you. Day, night, sun, rain, wind...everything I faced just didn't matter to me because the feeling that I had, was the best I ever had, something that I didn't think I could feel...just like you're flying and seeing underneath you a world of healing, smiles and joy. I finally reached the point that I thought that it couldn't get any better.
Running by the river side, with the night in sight, I knew my journey will end soon, so I ran even faster. I couldn't wait to meet you.
     Running for days, I finally found you. I stood there still, eyes wide open, heavy breath, but I was there. The joy was overwhelming, I couldn't contain myself. I saw you standing there, arms opened welcoming me.      Then I stepped forward...but something didn't seem right. I was standing on the edge of a cliff, with a deep hollow in front of me, darkness grinning at me. Why was this happening to me? After all that running, after all those sacrifices, after all the happiness that surrounded me, you were right there in front of me, yet so very far away. Rain started to fall like crazy; I just stood there looking at you. Tears came down pouring...loosing the strength in my feet, I fell on the ground, not being able to stand again.
     You were there !! In my sight, in my grasp ! Why can't I reach you, touch you, feel you ? Looking at the way you shined, it made me sad. But seeing you slowly stepping away from me, a tear falling shyly off your face, and turning your back at me, made me cry even harder, like you stabbed my heart a thousand times.
     Why was I standing there for? Why were you the only one that I wanted to be with? I stood there kneeling on the edge of the cliff, crying, making myself angry that I wasn't good enough, and asking myself one simple question.. "Will I ever be good enough for you, my dream?"

On my way to freedom

     Memories, actions, people, feelings...all this make us who we are today. The past, the present and the future are the three things that we think about basically all day long, every day. Or so it should be.

     Some of us are still trapped in the past, not being able to enjoy the present and think about the future. The same question that they ask themselves: "What if..."haunts them. They wonder if they had done something different, said something, would they be living another present now? But beside the "What if..." question, there is also "I shouldn't have...". 

     We regret what we didn't do or say but also what we did say. Either way,act or don't act, it's still gonna screw your life in one way or another. But acting makes things a tiny, little bit easier to deal with in the present. Living in the past is pure torture that we make ourselves go through. We all have bad memories, moments in our life that we want to forget but we can't, and we live tied up to the past, forgetting to live in the present and think about the future. What we did in a moment of anger, stupidity, selfishness will haunt us until we're done with. 

     So what's to be done? First, go in the past, go to that moment and figure out what you did wrong. Then find your present, find your words, and go make things right. Stop pitying yourself and go straighten things up. It's the only way that freedom will be attained. Even though things may not turn out okay, your heart and soul can calm down and search for the future. 

     I always hear "Time will heal everything". I think that is one big lie. Time does not heal...the only one that can make a difference and heal, is you. You are your own doctor. Why live in the past when we only have one life? Give yourself an upgrade, look forward and make things right. It may be too late but it may be not. So step up, and live in your present. 

Bad

They say something has changed.
They say I’ve changed.
They tell me somewhere I turned cold, that I used to be so affectionate
They claim they don’t understand.
They tell me I used to be cheerful but now my eyes and tone of my voice lost its light and admits fear.

Unsure whether it’s because of the painful memory but I go on by emptying my heart.
Lucid hearts are defective products of this world. That’s why I badly want to taint mine.
They tell me that if you love, you start to take after each other; maybe I want to take after you a bit.

Atrocious. Love is atrocious.
You were the very reason I breathe for, but now you’re suffocating me.
Love is so bad
Love only gets worse as you dig deeper.
Love is so bad
Love only pains as you learn about it.
More you know, worse you become.

The words I wouldn’t normally get riled up about: “You don’t seem yourself”.
I question, “What is me?” but of course I know only too well.
I can’t bear to look at myself.
Whether I’ve been embraced or have closed my eyes, I just can’t sleep at ease.
I yearn for alcohol, sometimes I usually drink hard
Drunk on anxiety, as the dawn drizzle pours down I stagger through the street
I start to quarrel and my mouth that once used to whisper so many kind words has been tainted by a profanity.
Can’t rest till this small thing becomes a catastrophe.
I lie customarily and harass in the name of ‘Love’

Atrocious. Humans are atrocious.
You were the very reason I breathe for, but now you’re suffocating me.
Love is so bad
Love only gets worse as you dig deeper.
Love is so bad
Love only pains as you learn about it.
More you know, worse you become.

Only thing that’s worse than you is,
I, who couldn’t forget you and ended up being tainted.
I, who continues to act cold towards the other people.
Only thing that’s worse than you is,
I, who couldn’t forget you.

Bad, it’s so bad.
It hurts.
It hurts so much.
What we call love.
Love is a sickness.
Bad, it’s so bad.
It hurts.
It hurts so much
Love is a sickness.
Love.

Voice of the soul

A person can be called a true artist when the people that are watching him feel all he says and don't hear or see. When you can close your eyes and just listen with your heart to that voice and feel all the words in your soul, letter by letter, sound by sound, then you know that the one standing in front of you is an artist. Goosebumps, racing heartbeat, sweat, tears, these are the signs that you can fell the soul that's trapped inside some words put on musical notes.
One can live through music, can recall some past happenings, can feel at ease when hearing his favorite song.  From my point of view, well I only have some artists that I listen to, some songs that calm me down, that make me cry, that make me laugh, that give me all kinds of emotions. For the past 10 years I have lived through music, I felt through music. Music was and still is my refuge, a world where only my soul and the soul of the song are. A place where I feel safe. That moment when you put your headphones on and press play it's my favorite moment of the day. You separate from the real world and enter one that you can control, that doesn't make you suffer; a world with no lies and no deceptions; your world.
Sometimes a song does not need words. Just some musical notes and the true feelings of the artist and you got yourself a song that you can listen to and feel it.
So headphones on, press play, close your eyes and feel.

Hope is a dream that never sleeps

It doesn’t matter if I’m lonely. Whenever I think of you a smile spreads across my face.
It doesn’t matter if I’m tired. Whenever you are happy my heart is filled with love.
Today I might live in a harsh world again.
Even if I’m tired, when I close my eyes, I only see your image.
The dreams that are still ringing in my ears are leaving my side towards you.
Everyday my life is like a dream.
If we can look at each other and love each other i’ll stand up again.
To me, the happiness of those precious memories will be warmer during hard times.
For me, hope is a dream that never sleeps.
Like a shadow by my side you always quietly come to me.
To see if I’m hurt, to see if I’m lonely everyday
With feelings of yearning, you come to me.
Even if the world makes me cry, I’m okay because you are always by my side.
Like dust, will those memories change and leave?
I’ll keep smiling to ease my heart.
Everyday my life is like a dream.
No matter how many times I stumble and fall i’m still standing like this.
I only have one heart.
When I’m tired you become my strength.
My heart is towards you forever.
So I swallowed the hurt and grief.
I’ll only show you my smiling form.
It doesn’t even hurt now.
I’ll always hold on to the dreams I want to fulfill with you
I’ll try to call for you at the place I cannot reach
I love you with all my heart.